Welcome to Fashion! Lawrence Edition. This is the first installation but there is more where this comes from. Ek, do, tien. For those who need counting lessons, this is 1-2-3 in Hindi. For more on this please see link. You might also learn how beatboxing makes its way into the realm of tabla and Hindi-stylee. (please note… nothing to do with Fashion! Lawrence Edition.)

Ok. So what is first on the agenda for Fashion! Lawrence Edition? That would be tight jeans. Tight jeans is a trend that has long plagued/blessed the streets of Lawrence and unless there is some sort of tight jean shortage in Fillipino factories, it shows no signs of stopping anytime soon. One should not assume that tight jeans is embraced by all or even practiced in one consistent way by t-j supporters. Let’s get down to brass tacks.

Tight Jeans: The Casual Indie Wearer

This represents a large number of tight jeans wearers in this city. Many young folk like to qualify themselves as “indie” for reasons that range from, “my music taste is more obscure than yours” to “mannn, i was anti-hipster before hipster was even blogged about, yo.”
What to look for? How do you know if you’ve got a case of the casual indie wearer or a horse of a different color? This is a difficult process sometimes. Ask your suspected c-i-w where they purchased their jeans. If they say Wild Man Vintage, Arizona Trading Company, underneath their roommate’s bed, or the sale rack at Urban Outfitters (followed by an excuse about “i don’t normally shop there or anything but…”), they might be a c-i-w. If they paid full price at Urban, got them from Target or have never tried coke, they are probably not part of this category.
What to pair it with? If you’re a casual indie wearer, your best options are 80s band tees (originals only! kitsch reprints do not count!), vintage cardigans, loafers without socks.

Tight Jeans: Over Weight Limit

Now, no one really likes to say, “hey you’re too chunky to wear that,” but this is a situation many Lawrencians struggle with every day. Because the tight jeans trend shows one is counter-bro-culture (theoretically), many non-bros have been buying these clothes en masse for a number of years. Unfortunately skinny leg jeans continue to function as they ever have. Skinny leg jeans still look best on skinny to medium size legs (hence the term “skinny jeans”). However because of forces out of our control, many people dress in ways that do not flatter their body (even when other options exist).
Controversy: Should this category of wearer still be allowed to flaunt this style?
Emily represents our Pro Side and Tareek is sitting in for the Con Side. Let’s listen in.
Emily: It is completely within every person’s rights to wear what they want to wear as long as it is not infringing on anyone else’s safety or human rights. Of course, Lawrence will still allow anyone to buy and wear skinny leg super-tight jeans regardless of race, gender, sexuality or body mass index.
Tareek: Ok, but what you’ve got to understand is that there are literally 4 people here who have been scarred by seeing these thick leg thin jeans people. Scarred to the point of PTSD. Who is worried about their rights? I say, we need a revolution! Riots, not diets! Riot for peace! Anarchy rules! Free Mumia!
(note: due to Tareek’s “unofficial” and “wannabe” association with Solidarity!, he spends another 3.5 minutes repeating slogans, then paints a giant anarchy symbol on his chest and howls in the direction of the nearest police station.)
Emily: Ok. And you make a good point, but i think what you should consider here is that fashion is in the hands of the people and as long as people have the right
Tareek: Oh–! That’s rich! Fashion is in the hands of the people? The people sold out their shares in fashion eons ago! Everyone knows that! Can anyone say knickerbockers? bellbottoms? leggings as pants? And there are a hundred other styles i could name that prove fashion operates completely independently of people’s conscious reality and is being manipulated by the sick and twisted pigs in charge of fashion; from the runway to the counterfeit skinny jeans manufacturers.
Our Analysis: Skinny jeans- 1; Emily and Tareek- 0.

Tight Jeans: The Eternal Bachelor

Some young men who wear tight jeans do so only to lower their sperm count in the hopes of reducing their chances at impregnating someone who has regular access to a uterus. These men are difficult to identify because they often pretend to like children long enough to pursue “dating opportunities” with potentially kid-loving ladies. They may not be eager to reveal their true views because, “why you gotta mess up my game!”
What to keep in mind? When dealing with this brand of tight jeans wearer it is imperative not to talk about the recent children’s line of skinny jeans available at eco-boutiquo or any new studies that find no links between tight jeans and lowered sperm count.

There are more categories we could get into including: Legs Too Skinny, Wrong Size Waistband, or These Jeans Fit Perfectly Into the Tops of My Uggs! However we do not have time to devote proper attention to these subgroups of the tight jeans trend. Hopefully this has been an enlightening look at how tight jeans function in Lawrence. For more on Lawrencian fashion, check out lawrence.com.

Fashion! Lawrence Edition: Part Do